A hallmark of our personal reputation should, in my mind, be how we treat other humans. Are we kind? Are we gracious? Do we defer to others? Do we help when we can? In the absence of these attributes, at a minimum the question could be, “Are we civil with others, even those with whom we disagree?”
I am personally disappointed that treating one another with civility is the bar to which we now aspire. I can be civil without caring for someone’s well-being, or even truly caring about their views, thoughts, or opinions. I can be civil and avoid irrational discourse or violence, but if I don’t care whether you are hungry, unfed, or unhoused, then that’s a bar too low.
If you think this is an entirely new problem, then read up on Jefferson and Adams and some of the horrible things they said about each other. Imagine being so divisive and so eloquently insulting to one another, and then Jefferson had to serve as Adams’ Vice President! They, of course, reconciled in later years and famously wrote frequently to one another before both dying on July 4, 1826, exactly fifty years after the signing of the Declaration of Independence. What great things did they, and our country, miss out on during their feud? We’ll never know.
We see every day on the television news what political division looks like, but much of it would not be defined as civil discourse. Rioting, assaulting opposing demonstrators, blocking highways, and disobeying, injuring, or even killing public safety officers are way out of line. Don’t even get me started on social media and the abuse that comes from faceless, sometimes anonymous, attacks that are impossible to defend against or deny.
Civil discourse is the open exchange of ideas about public issues, focused on mutual understanding, learning, and problem-solving rather than hostility or winning an argument (thanks, Google). Civil discourse is what I often see in meetings with others who think differently than I do but express their opinions in thoughtful and persuasive ways.
I have held several “Coffee and Conversations” gatherings in the past few weeks and have had attendees who think like me and others who don’t. Despite the differences of opinion, all of the conversations have been respectful, with each individual sharing their positions, passions, and reasons for their beliefs. I am appreciative of the environment of civility in these chats, as we sometimes must simply agree to disagree. How different that is from the shouting down of Congressman Mike Flood at the town hall meetings he hosted recently. Was anyone’s opinion on any topic changed by that kind of behavior? I doubt it.
I participate in, and help lead, a regional expression of the Council of State Governments (CSG). This is a nonpartisan group of government leaders from all three branches of state government and several Canadian provinces. We meet to share ideas, learn leadership and cooperative skills, and talk about how to make our states better places to live, work, and play. Last year, the national leader of CSG challenged members to “Serve with Civility,” committing to the following:
- To lead by example, holding myself accountable to a higher standard of public discourse.
- To act with integrity, compassion, and honesty.
- To treat everyone with respect and dignity.
- To listen and learn from those with whom I disagree.
- To reject political violence in all its forms.
- To work together with others to strengthen our democracy and uphold the ideals upon which our nation was founded.
As I said earlier, this is a low bar, but at a time when political violence is at an all-time high, assassinations have occurred, other attempts have been made, and threats to lawmakers, judges, law enforcement officers, and other public officials are not unusual, it is an intermediate bar or milestone that we must strive toward on the way to better behavior.
My hope, my dream, is that we embrace this goal with the full understanding that there can and should be higher aspirations. We shouldn’t simply tolerate one another when we can instead advocate for one another. I don’t have to embrace your idea to advocate for you as a person.
I know that I’ve failed at this many times, but that is the goal for my personal behavior. I have thousands of you to help keep me on track and remind me if I fall off the “civility wagon.”
Share your thoughts with me on this topic if you like. You can reach me by email at brad.vongillern@leg.ne.gov.
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R. Brad von Gillern
vGA von Gillern Associates
18370 Honeysuckle Dr.
Elkhorn, NE 68022
PH: 402-290-1048
Email: rbvongillern@gmail.com